Stone Bridge, 1637, Rembrandt.
I love sermons. It was one of the (sole) reasons where I first embraced the Christian faith, as a personal concept, and got (born-again) at a youth camp, in Sattal, Pastor Ricky Medom (NCF Naga Christian Faith, New Delhi). And I kept going, Sunday after Sunday, just to hear the preaching, for it was profound, and food for a hungry confused soul.
Next would be one of my favourite preachers, Dr Paul Windsor, my homiletics professor in Seminary. I could listen to one hour of his sermons/lectures without getting distracted or restless. Good sermons are like interesting Ted Talks that speak to the core of your soul, where you are not tempted to look at your phone.
In 2023 when I moved back to my hometown, and then there was a long lull – I did listen to a few good ones, but alas, my critical mind would question the ‘theological error’ behind the message, or the dullness of the irrelevancy, or worst, ask myself ‘Why is the preacher shouting?’ lol. Like brah, I don’t wana to church and get yelled at :/
And so, I stopped. I stopped attending Sunday for about a year. Plus, my own personal struggle and commitment to another project kept me at bay, from Sunday church service. Which by default resulted in an obvious lack of spiritual nutrition. And 2024 passed me by like a deranged storm.
2025 arrived and lo and behold, everything changed!
Come January 2025, I heard one of the best (for me) sermons I’ve ever heard in a really long time.[1]
It was one of those sermons that linger in your mind, long after the speaker has finished, and the doors have closed. It was one of those sermons that you keep thinking, and going back to. It made me emotional; it made me cry; it also revived and refreshed my weary soul and I believed healed my tired and tattered heart. It was cathartic! And, a much-needed sermon, for a soul that was in dire need of quenching.
You see, the last year was not a pleasant one for me. On a personal front, as well as careerwise, everything took a detour, and it started from January 2024. The year was gloomy, my plans all thwarted, I left Europe in the fall of 2023, thinking I would be back by the following spring or at least by summer, just in time to make it for the Eras tour[2] at Johan Cruyff Arena in Amsterdam. I would either find a job, or continue my research and there were possible job prospects in the academic realm. In fact, I didn’t even pack properly, I left 80% of my belongings behind, including my bike (cycle), books and large Bible. And then, life shocked me, and six years of being in a committed relationship was over in a flash. So, it was yet another season of waiting in the wilderness, and at this age, with ageism thrown at my face everywhere I went. All in all, it wasn’t a pleasant year, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. And somehow, moving back to your hometown, made it even worst. But it was either that or being homeless. So, I stayed put, got involved in local church projects on weekends. It wasn’t like I hit rock bottom, or went down the rabbit hole, I was way pass that. However, this time, it was subtle, yet painful, numb and devasting at the same time. No rebounds, no passing out, or escaping and travelling to Bali or Bangkok (like one would normally do when a ‘break-up’ happens). I stayed home, and the darkness stayed in, and I reeked of it, I held on to her, like a dear (toxic) friend, afraid of the unfamiliar that letting go might bring. 2024 was like a deranged dog that barked at me wherever I went, and I held on to her, to the memories of the past, and to what could have been, and it was a stupor imprinted in me.
And then came January, 2025, and in the blink of an eye, everything changed, and this time I was crying, but with happy tears. From the second I landed at Schiphol, to the time I boarded back at KLM, the entire trip was a refreshing, reviving one that restored my sanity and healed my heart and soul.
See, I have never been a huge fan of Amsterdam. She is loud, crass, too crowded, dirty, nasty and cliché. But this time, in a really nice gesture, the Hotel sent a brand-new Mercedes Benz C class to pick me up, and dropped me back in a brand-new Tesla. Was it a prophetic sign? idk lol.
And so, come Monday, sitting there in the meeting room, at Amsterdam, on the first day of our Induction week, I was about to hear a sermon that would completely heal my soul.
The preacher talked about, the concept of the ‘old and the new, or the past, the present and the future. And from the many ways one could interpret it, for me it was about finally letting go of the past, and finding space to embrace the new. It was about new beginnings, a new chapter, a new life for that matter, because as long as we hold on to the old, we cannot embrace the the new things that God has in store for us.
I was also reminded of passage in Isaiah 43:18-19
“But forget all that- It is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do a brand-new thing. See I have already begun. Do you not see it? …”
I had held on to the pain of the past, the trauma, the bitterness, the anger so much so that it consumed me, day and night. It affected new relationships and new seasons, it was like stale wine, unable to enter the new wineskins. As much as the past is important (less we become inclined to chronological snobbery, the “past is behind us, because the future is ahead.”[3]
And it wasn’t just the text or the sermon but the delivery of the sermon. The preacher’s humility was evident. It wasn’t the Bible thumping type of sermon, where the preacher would yell, or walk back and fro on stage. No cool PPT or emotional background music towards the end of the sermon, no torn baggy jeans, or a trendy hairstyle. And the Croatian Professor, in the typical professor get-up, grey hair, and slouching a bit on the chair, spoke softly, and gently, full of conviction and humility delivered the sermon.
One part of our lives is over, but another is yet to come. Given the harsh realities of our world today, sheer optimism may not be the key to that fearless future. But as believers, we have hope. And that hope is "the hope stored up for you in heaven", beyond the reach of anything that might destroy, damage or corrupt it. That hope is safe and secure. Whatever happens to us in the future, that hope is safe because it is "in heaven." This does not mean that it is somewhere far away, but that it is in the presence of God, somewhere where God is present in a way that He is not yet present on earth.[4]
And as I heard these words, I could feel every ounce of the pain from my past, leaving me, bidding me goodbye. Perhaps they too heard it, and they felt it was time, perhaps they left through the ventilation in the meeting room, they flew across the window panes, across the road and up in the cold grey winter skies of the city. As tears swelled up, on that grey foggy January morning, in that meeting room, with my peers and professors sitting around me, I finally felt that she was gone. The past, she heard the words of the homily, she felt my tears once again, and maybe she felt it is time, it is time to depart once and for all. She was not wanted anymore, and she left me that day.
The next few days, (and weeks) were some of the best days of my life; as I made way for the new to come in, for the old was gone.
New friends, new chapter, new experiences; It bought me nothing short of happiness, humor, and a holistic season. To be surrounded by people of like-minded will (Psalm 133:1) who love the Lord, and are on a quest to seek more.
I stood at the side of the canals, on the cobbled streets of Amsterdam, and this time, she looked different to me. She has blue skies, the air, sparkled clean with the fresh snow that had fallen a few days ago, the rooftops of the old Cathedrals echoed with the sound of the church bells; on certain days, even the fog instead of dreary looking looked cosy and homely. It was January, and very cold, yet the city was not. And the past is no more with me, I now look at the future with new lense and embraced the present, for she is here, she is love, she is joyful and she is hopeful.[5]
“For the Lord will make a pathway in the wilderness for me to come home. He will create rivers to quench my thirst. The wild animals in the fields will thank the Lord. He will make springs in the desert, so that I am refreshed, so that someday I will honor Him before the world.”
Paraphrased from Isaiah 43:18-21, NLT.
You see, this is what sermons do to me. The power of the homily that saved me two decades ago at the youth camp, or revived me at the Seminary, again saved me this time. In another continent, in a new city, it saved me from letting go of the past. The past which had good in it, which was also bad and ugly, and now is gone, and I bid her my final goodbye.
[1] I was in Amsterdam for the Induction/Colloquium week, organized by IBTS Amsterdam.
[2] Taylor Swift Eras Tour.
[3] Chronological Snobbery’ a term coined by C.S. Lewis/ the sentence in quotes is by Dr Enoh Seba.
[4] Dr Enoh Seba.
[5] 1st Corinthians 13.
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